Pageant News Bureau - Monica Pang 3

"Are you the detective?" he asks, stepping furtively into my office and quietly closing the frosted glass door behind him.

"What do I look like," I say, "a sweet potato wholesaler?"

He chuckles, knowing only a real detective could come up with a crack like that. He sits down in the easy chair, the one that says "client" on the seat cushion.

I'm suspicious. How did this guy find my office? How did he know I'm a private detective? I don't post a sign. I get all my business by word of mouth, serving only the most exclusive clients in Los Angeles.

And why does he keep the brim of his fedora pulled down and the collar of his trench coat pulled up? Is he that ugly, or does he just not want to be recognized? Or maybe he's famous.

"I'm looking for a girl," he says.

"Aren't we all?" I answer. But he doesn't laugh this time.

"OK," I say, "What kind of girl?"

"A beauty queen," he says, and I start taking notes.

"She was first runner-up at Miss America a few years ago," he says, "but then she headed to sunny South California, and I lost track of her. I know she's out here somewhere. I want to make her a movie star."

"Can you give me a description?" I say wearily, knowing there are thousands of ex-beauty queens chasing a few breaks in Hollywood.

"She's a Southern girl," he says, "a real lady, as sweet as sweet iced tea. But she's also exotic, with exquisite Eurasian features. And a bodacious body."

"Can you spell 'bodacious?' " I ask, but he can't. He seems shaken by the admission. I'm afraid he's about to break down. It doesn't take much to push a desperate man over the edge.

"Hold on," I say, "just one more question. Do you know her name?"

"Monica Pang," he says.

I turn to my computer and go to www.pageant.com, and there she is. Monica Pang. What a face, what a smile, what a ... Wait a minute!

I stand up and gaze at the frosted glass door of my office. Through the glass, I see the silhouette of my new secretary as she sits at her desk in the reception room. And suddenly I know how to spell bodacious.

I hit the intercom button. "Miss Pang," I say, "Come in here, please."

Cherchez la Pang